All This Time
by KBeckett0334
Summary: Post-ep for 6x04. Beckett voices her disapproval about Emma being Castle's supposed "number one fan" as she helps tend to the bruise from the shooting. One-shot.


**Disclaimer: Anything you recognize is not mine.**

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**"All this time we were waiting for each other**

**All this time I was waiting for you"**

**-OneRepublic, All This Time**

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Again.

She almost lost him again.

For the second time in three months she's had to run up to his motionless form on the ground and pray that he was okay. For the second time in three months she's encountered the threat of their future together being torn away.

She's tired of seeing his lifeless eyes every time she goes to sleep and the nightmares take hold.

But for now he's here, stretched out on the bed when she walks in with the ice pack. His eyes are closed, his mouth is turned downward in a grimace, and he's got a hand lightly pressed to his chest.

She knows the feeling.

She takes a seat near his hip, trying her best not to jostle him and make it worse. Setting the ice pack down near his head, she brushes a hand through the hair at his forehead, smiling softly when he cracks an eye open.

"How are you feeling?"

"Hurts to breathe," he murmurs. "Hurts to move. Everything hurts. It didn't hurt as much earlier."

"Because you were running on adrenaline and the bruise hadn't settled," she says. "Here, let me see."

She carefully starts to unbutton his shirt and he must really be in some serious pain because he doesn't even make a remark about her trying to get his clothes off. The second those top few buttons are open, she completely understands why as she sees the true extent of his injury. At least half of his upper chest area is covered in a purple-red bruise, and right in the center – perfectly round – is a dark, almost-black circle that must be the point of impact.

It's almost a perfect match to her own scar.

She has to swallow down the fear that sticks in her throat. "God, Castle, how close were you when she shot you?"

He huffs. She thinks he's trying to laugh. "Maybe two inches. The three of us were struggling."

"God, Rick…" She takes a shaky breath, then reaches for the ice. "This might make it hurt more for a second. Fair warning."

When she places it on his chest, he yelps and she impulsively pulls it back, apologizing.

"Sorry, sorry," she says over his heavy breathing, running her hands through his hair again. "I'm sorry. I know, baby, it hurts, but it also makes it better. I promise."

His breathing is still labored, but he's nodding. "Is this what it was like for you?" he wheezes.

She cringes. "Towards the end of the recovery period, yes. The beginning was much worse."

"Touché," he rasps. "Stupid question." Then he takes one more deep breath and says, "Okay. Let's try again."

They stay like that for a while, alternating between keeping the ice pack on and off depending on how much he can take, talking about anything and everything to keep him distracted before he finally says, "Who would've thought that I'd get shot by my number one fan?"

She frowns, wrinkling her nose at him. "Emma being your number one fan is up for debate."

He arches an eyebrow at her, intrigued by the way she's suddenly blushing and averting her eyes like she didn't really mean to say that out loud. "You have a better candidate?"

She still won't look at him, seemingly caught up in some intense internal struggle and he thinks she's going to drop it.

But she then proceeds to blow his mind.

"The summer before I started college and my mom was murdered," she begins, "during the last week, really, before I moved out, she gave me a book. She told me it was by her favorite author and that she thought I'd enjoy it, that it had given her comfort after some of her toughest cases and she thought it could do the same for me as I adjusted to college life."

He watches as she collects herself, holding back tears. He doesn't push, just laces his fingers with hers and brushes a kiss along her knuckles. It appears to soothe her, and she continues.

"Being a typical teenager, I set the book aside and didn't touch it for months. And it wasn't until after my mom died that I found it sitting under my bed and finally read it." She gives a watery smile. "It felt like my last connection to her."

He can't help himself anymore. "What was the book?"

Her smile widens and she grips his hand tightly. "_In a Hail of Bullets_."

His heart feels as though it's stopped.

"My mom was right," she says. "Your books comforted me like nothing else did. They kept my head above water." She runs a hand down his face. "The last thing my mom gave me was you."

Gunshot bruise be damned, he's going to hold her.

He clumsily sits up and wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him.

"I love you, Kate," he whispers. "I love you so much."

She buries her face in his neck, presses a few gentle kisses there. "The first time you saved my life, Castle, I was nineteen years old." She rests her forehead against his jaw. "I can never thank you enough, will never love anyone like I love you, Rick."

"Oh no, Kate," he says, hugging her tighter despite the pain in his chest. "You're far more than I deserve."

She's shaking her head, but doesn't argue back. Instead, she pulls away, cupping his face in her hands and grinning broadly even though her eyes are still red.

"We're getting married, Castle," she whispers.

"Yeah," he answers, still in awe of the idea. "Yeah, Kate. We are."

They hold each other for what feels like forever, until they're both slumped over and drifting off to sleep in the other's arms.

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He visits Johanna Beckett's grave the next day. For three hours, he tells her the story of how he met Kate and how they fell in love, sparing no detail, making sure that if she really can hear him, she knows the magnitude of what she's done.

For three hours, he repeatedly thanks Mrs. Beckett for introducing him to his fiancée and promises her a chair at the wedding.

She is responsible for their relationship, after all.

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**A/N: I've had this Johanna headcanon for a while and was hoping that Kate would finally admit to her being a huge fan of his books (and that whole history) in 6x04, but alas, that did not happen so I had to do it myself. Not too sure how I feel about this one though. I might come back and fix things up later, so if you think something can be improved, please hit the review button and let me know.** **Also, I have an extended story coming up so keep an eye out for that.**

**In the meantime, reviews are gold.**

**Tumblr: seeker15 _dot_ tumblr _dot_ com**


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